Would You Could You Here or There?

Would you could you anywhere? Good question. I'm talking, of course, about going out en femme. For the past few weeks I've spent at least one day a week flouncing around the greater Metro Area as Molly. Good idea? Hard to say. Monday night, after I had my most public outing, I was hanging out talking to my wife about it and she was voicing her concern that I be careful. Not careful that I not get recognized, but careful that I not get the shit kicked out of me. She said she was happy that I was having such positive experiences, but that she wanted me to be careful. I can dig that. I want me to be careful. What does that mean though? For me at least, it means being subtle, being smart, and choosing my battles.

Being Subtle: While I live around some of the largest GLBT friendly areas in SE MI, I don't actually live in them. See, Detroit has all these tiny little towns just north of 8 Mile Road that are called the "Inner Ring Suburbs". They were the very first suburbs, and I live in that ring. My town, however, is not one of the fabulous gay meccas of Detroit. In fact it's rather the opposite. I live in a kind of run-down, rough-and-tumble kind of town inhabited by what charitable people would call "Good, honest, God-fearing 'Murcans." I call them violent, ignorant goddamn hillbillies. My personal feelings aside, it's still not a very GLBT friendly kind of place (although we did just got our first gay couple, and they won a block beautification award from the city, so score one for the Homosexual Agenda).

This being the case, when I go out I go as subtly as possible. I don't wear skirts. I don't wear overly femme clothes in general. I don't mow my lawn in short shorts. I carry my wig and shoes in my ever present shoulder/computer bag. I wear my old ratty cadet hat pulled way down to cover my makeup. I don't like it, but I do it so as to protect myself, my wife, our house, and to not arouse the suspicion of my neighbors (who are, in fact, nice people if perhaps a bit backwards). Is it fair? No. Does it suck? Yes. It's the price I pay though, and much like taxes, I may not like it but it's a necessary evil.

Being Smart: There's no way in hell that Molly is going to the Home Depot. There just isn't. Why would she, when she's got guy-me to do it for her? Same goes for a lot of places around here. There are just some places that are plain inappropriate to flounce around in. At least in my opinion (you'll notice the more I read that I have some strong opinions and some funny ideas about how the world works). I love getting dolled up and going out to my shrink appointment, the coffee houses and bookstores and other places of business around that I've identified as GLBT friendly, the fetish/punk rock store where I bought my wig, and, of course, Janet's Closet. Every place else is, as far a I'm concerned, verboten.

Choosing Your Battles: Okay, for every crossdresser out there who gets their panties in a bunch when they see a real girl at the grocery in jeans and a t-shirt because they can't slut it up or wear a goddamned ball gown whenever they please and it's just not fair *crosses arms* *stamps delicate little foot*... I've got a message for you. Suck it up, honeypie. This country, in general is not ready for this jelly. It's just not. Just look at us, we're still so screwy, in the 21st century for fuck's sake, about sex and sexuality and gender identity that I'm not sure we'll ever reach what one crossdresser I know calls "fashion equality". Of course, I also said I'd never see a black president in my lifetime so my judgement is necessarily suspect.

Don't forget, it's only been, what, less than a hundred years since the wearing of trousers by women wasn't a serious social taboo? Hell, there are still some goddamn cults more conservative religious sects in this country that don't allow their women to wear pants and require them to cover their hair. Like having to be subtle, it's not fair and it does suck, but it's reality. Should we just accept it? No, of course not. There's a long, long way to go for GLBT people to be accepted in places that aren't New York, Seattle, L.A., and San Francisco. It can be done, though. Be cool, be respectful of boundaries, know what, when, and where it's appropriate to flounce around, and let's do our best to get the message out that crossdressers are more like this guy than they are like this fucking guy.

Caveat: All this shit is, at the end of the day, my amateurish and uninformed opinion. I speak largely for myself, and bitch about some things that I've seen in my short time as an on again, off again crossdresser. I'm sure I've ruffled feathers, stepped on toes, and generally pissed some people off here. My knowledge of gender, GLBT, and equality issues is, sadly, rather small as I haven't made a long study of it. This is surely my fault, and I'm doing my best to get up to speed with it, but right now I'm trying to figure out why I'm a crossdresser and what it means to me and my family. And another thing, I don't pretend to speak for CDs who have gone full-time or people transitioning. That's some graduate level self-awareness and force of will right there, and I'm not even close to that level yet.